A Victim's Perspective

I am a victim. My feelings have been hurt. Society does not celebrate my diversity, my voice is not heard, and I want a handout.

Just the other the day, I was the victim of police brutality. I was minding my own business, not bothering anybody, just masturbating in public. I was watching some people through a restaurant window here in downtown Toronto. I will never forget the harsh look the fascist policeman gave me when he put his coat over my naked loins, ruining my moment of orgasm. He made an aggressive gurgle when I left a sticky handprint on his car. I felt violated when he warned me not to do it again and then he drove off. And, I have to pay a traffic ticket for masturbating in public. When will this oppression end?

But I got smart. I went to the Fenris Badwulf School of Telemarketing Excellence and took the diploma course in Racism Industry Studies. I learnt how to stand up for my rights and hold out for all the handouts I am entitled to. Now I have a social worker to pay off my tickets. Now I have a support group that celebrates my dignity and will fight for my right to masturbate in public. Many cultures respect diversity and encourage public masturbation; many of our animal-friends practice public masturbation, too. Society should be tolerant.

Thank you Fenris Badwulf! Now I have a lavish pension, a support group, and a street map of restaurants here in the down town core. I will wave to you with my free hand when I see you!

I, Fenris Badwulf, brought you this heart warming story of strength in the face of adversity.